Redefining Black Parenthood with Jerry and Kelly

Jerry McRae

So, becoming a first-time parent... it’s, it’s an unforgettable shift in your life, right? I remember the moment Camren was born—holding him, this tiny little human, looking up at me with these, uh, curious eyes. I—I felt this mix of overwhelming joy and, well, honestly? Fear. Like...hmm, I'm a librarian and I have read books on it but am I really ready for this? How do I give him the best of me while shielding him from, you know, all the things I couldn’t control out there?

Kelly McRae

Mm-hmm, I get that. I remember looking at Brianna, and I was like... wow. I’m responsible for molding this little life into the person she’s meant to become. It’s exhilarating and a bit terrifying all at once, right? You would think with me being a nurse all of these years, seeing it all in Med Surg, the Orthropedic floor, etc. But boy, I should have worked on the Maternity Care floor a bit more!

Jerry McRae

Exactly. It's like, there's this weight—not in a bad way—but, you know, this awareness. For me, there’s this long shadow cast by history. Being a Black parent in this country, it—it feels layered, like every decision you make carries this generational resonance.

Kelly McRae

Oh, absolutely. You think about everything our ancestors went through just to ensure we’d be here today, and then you consider all the systemic stuff, the challenges our kids might face. It’s humbling. But at the same time, it’s empowering, you know?

Jerry McRae

Yeah, totally. And I think about my role as an author—the stories I choose to tell. Writing "Black Fathers Are Real" wasn’t just about sharing our experiences but affirming, kind of solidifying, the love and care that fathers bring. It’s about telling Camren and Brianna’s generation, "Your roots have strength."

Kelly McRae

Right. And as a nurse educator, it’s... well, it’s similar in a way. My instinct is always to teach, to prepare others as much as I can. So when I became a mom, I—I found myself doing that naturally—researching, learning, creating a kind of structure. But then, every now and then, I’d have to let go of all that and just embrace the moment. Like, I’ll never forget Brianna’s first laugh—it was so pure, it stopped me in my tracks, you know?

Jerry McRae

Wow, yeah. Moments like that—they, they remind you of what really matters. It’s not about perfection, but presence. Being there. For me, a lot comes back to our cultural traditions—storytelling, family gatherings. How much of that do we pass on? How do we, uh, weave that into Camren and Brianna’s lives?

Kelly McRae

Yes! Like, how do we show them the beauty of who they are and where they come from? It’s a journey, honestly. And every day, I’m, like, discovering something new about myself as a parent and about them as these growing little people.

Jerry McRae

Same here. It’s like, as much as we’re teaching them to navigate the world, they’re... they're teaching us, too.

Jerry McRae

You know, it’s moments like those, the ones that ground us, that also make me think about breaking generational curses. It’s—it’s more than just a buzz phrase, right? It’s about confronting the emotional and cultural patterns we’ve inherited... and choosing not to pass them down. I—I think of my own upbringing—my dad loved me so much! Everyone in Red Springs would always say, that George McRae loves his son! And I want Cam and Bri to know I feel that exact way about them!

Kelly McRae

Right, and it’s, it’s hard, you know? Because you’re unlearning things while also trying to figure out how to do it better in real time. I know for me, growing up, emotional expression wasn’t always encouraged. My mom loved me but she wasn't the expressive type and the same thinjg for my dad. But one thing I do know is that Pat and John loved them some Kelly now! With Brianna, I am intentional about letting her feel what she needs to feel, but also guiding her to process it, to be strong without suppressing.

Jerry McRae

Exactly—it’s about balance. And I think it all starts with acknowledgment. Like, okay, these are the habits or mindsets I saw, and they don’t have to define how I parent. But man, it takes work, doesn’t it?

Kelly McRae

Oh, for sure. It’s like a daily commitment. And honestly, it’s not just about our kids; it’s about us, too. I’ve had to learn to be patient with myself, to accept that I’m going to make mistakes. But what matters is showing up, being there, and loving them through it all.

Jerry McRae

Yeah, and being present—it’s, it’s everything. I mean, that’s really what inspired "Black Fathers Are Real." I wanted fathers, especially Black fathers, to see themselves in those pages, to know their presence matters more than... than society might lead them to believe. It’s about changing the narrative, for us and for our children.

Kelly McRae

That’s powerful. And it’s true—our mindset shapes the environment we create for our kids. I’ve found that even small changes in how we communicate at home can make a big difference, like using affirming language or just... listening without judgment. It creates this safe space for them to grow into who they are.

Jerry McRae

Absolutely. And, you know, as much as we’re teaching resilience, it’s also about showing them that it’s okay to rely on their community. Camren and Brianna—they need to know there’s strength in asking for help, in being connected to others. That’s something I’m still learning myself, honestly.

Kelly McRae

Mm-hmm, community is huge. And it ties back to legacy—like, what are we leaving behind, not just for our kids, but for their generation? We said this at Christmas time with the family. My aunt Monica, Cousin Tina and Danielle were all stressing the subject of community and always making time to gather together. It’s about fostering love and inclusivity so they can carry that forward, breaking barriers we may never see come down in our lifetime.

Jerry McRae

Right. And a big part of that is making sure they know they’re enough and if they ever feel lost, they have a strong family to lift them up. Giving them the tools to carry what’s best from our culture while creating their own paths. It’s challenging, but, you know, it’s also incredibly rewarding.

Kelly McRae

You know, building that kind of safe space we talked about—it’s made me think about the challenges Black mothers face. We’re seen as either these unshakable pillars of strength or as overly emotional, and honestly, it’s exhausting to be boxed into those extremes. But I’ve learned that it’s okay to show Brianna that I can be both strong and vulnerable at the same time. That’s how she’ll learn to embrace her emotions while staying resilient, and that’s the legacy of balance I want to leave her.

Jerry McRae

That’s powerful, and it’s necessary. I think as parents, we’re showing Camren and Brianna that strength doesn’t mean shutting down or hiding feelings. It’s—it’s about authenticity. Camren, for example… he’s, you know, at that age where he’s curious but also gets in this shut down mode when he gets frustrated and upset. My mother held Camren in her heart so dearly. I try to be open with him, to explain things in a way that doesn’t overwhelm him but gives him the tools to process it.

Kelly McRae

Exactly. And I think, for me, it’s about modeling that process. Like sometimes, I’ll say to Brianna, "Mommy’s feeling frustrated right now, and that’s okay. I just need a moment to breathe." And by seeing me acknowledge my own emotions in a healthy way, she learns that it’s okay for her to do the same. It's—it’s something I wish I’d seen more of growing up.

Jerry McRae

Yeah, same here. For me, a big part of breaking those stereotypes of Black fatherhood is just... being present, showing up in ways that matter, even in the small, everyday things. Like, helping Camren with his homework or just playing a silly game with him. How he remembers Grandma Nettie singing to him in the bed, rocking him to sleep when he stayed at her house. Those moments, I think, are where the real work happens—where they see us as human, but steady, you know?

Kelly McRae

Absolutely. And those moments build trust. I mean, raising Black children means giving them a foundation strong enough to weather the challenges they’ll face but also soft enough to remind them they’re loved unconditionally. Even at church, as we go to Bethlehem City of Faith, the love we receive every week from everyone and the prophet and Lady Tee is a constant reminder to them of love. There’s so much power in just being there for them, showing them they matter.

Jerry McRae

Mm-hmm. And as they grow, I think it circles back to resilience and confidence—helping them understand who they are and where they come from. Like, for Camren, I—I remind him that he’s standing on the shoulders of giants, that his strength comes from generations before him. But at the same time, I want him to know it’s okay to carve his own path.

Kelly McRae

Right. And for Brianna, it’s about teaching her she’s enough, just as she is. No need to prove herself to the world—that confidence comes from within. And honestly, seeing her grow into that reminds me to do the same for myself, you know? Parenting, it—it has a way of teaching you things you didn’t even realize you needed to learn.

Jerry McRae

It really does. And as we navigate this journey, I think we’re redefining what it means to raise Black children, to be Black parents in today’s world. It’s not about perfection; it’s about intention—what we choose to carry forward and what we leave behind.

Kelly McRae

On that note, I think it’s safe to say that every day, we're learning, growing, and loving a little more. And you know what? We’re doing okay. Our kids are thriving, and that’s what matters.

Jerry McRae

That’s what matters. And to all the parents out there listening—keep going. You’re doing better than you think. And that’s all for today. Great talking, Kelly. I love you!

Kelly McRae

You too, Jerry. Until next time, everyone—take care.